Relearning to Receive: What the Men in My Life Taught Me About Trust and Tantra
For the men in my life 🥰
As I pack up my home of 15 years, surrounded by boxes, Christmas wrapping paper instead of bubble wrap, and the smell of old wood, I feel something I haven’t always felt when it comes to men: gratitude.
Not just for lovers or mentors, but for the men who have shown up quietly, steadily, with humour, generosity, and care.
The ones who offered to help me move. The ones who always offer help when I am exhausted. The ones who open their homes while I will be in between trips in the upcoming months.
Every gesture felt like a soft landing… a gentle reminder that masculine energy can hold, protect, and uplift without agenda.
It wasn’t always like this.
After my marriage ended seven years ago, I was confused.
Hyper-vigilant. I didn’t just swear off relationships; I swore off help altogether. I told myself, “I don’t need a man. I’ll do it all myself.”
And so I did what any freshly independent woman would do: I bought power tools.
All of them.
Ryobi brand, multiple backup battery packs, and at one point, a chainsaw.
Yes, a chainsaw.
I thought, “It’ll be fun to trim the trees myself.”
It wasn’t. I never used it. I ended up returning it, partly out of embarrassment, mostly because it cost $500.
Now, years later, I laugh at that memory as I pack those tools away. I can see what was really happening. That independence wasn’t empowerment: it was armour.
A way of saying, “I won’t get hurt again.”
But armour is heavy. And it blocks the very tenderness it’s trying to protect.
Over time, it began to crack. And what helped soften it wasn’t meditation or therapy, though both played their part, it was men.
The friends who showed up with vans and laughter.
The ones who flew halfway across the world just to spend a day together.
The peers who embodied sensitivity and strength in equal measure.
The clients in my Tantra Massage sessions in Perth and beyond, who showed me that masculine vulnerability is one of the most exquisite forms of beauty.
Through years of working almost exclusively with men with Tantra Massage mostly here in Western Australia, and sometimes in Lisbon and Paris, I’ve witnessed something extraordinary.
Men crave to be seen beyond their roles. To be allowed to feel, without being fixed or judged.
And I’ve realised that one of the greatest gifts a woman can give, whether in a massage room or in life, is her willingness to receive.
Because when a woman allows herself to receive, it invites the masculine to relax. To show up, not as protector or performer, but as presence.
That’s the essence of Tantra.
It’s not about dominance or submission, but about polarity: the dance between offering and surrender, between giving and trusting.
A Simple Tantric Practice for Home
If you’re someone who finds it hard to receive, especially from men, try this gentle ritual:
Sit or lie down somewhere safe and quiet.
Place one hand on your heart, one on your lower belly.
Breathe slowly through the nose and exhale with a sigh through the mouth.
Whisper to yourself:
“I am safe to receive.”
“I am safe to be supported.”
“I trust the love that wants to meet me.”
Stay with this for five minutes.
Notice where the body resists. Notice what happens when you let go, even slightly.
Receiving isn’t weakness: it’s a sacred act of trust.
As I write this, my heart feels soft. I think of all the men I’ve met through my sessions, in men who have cried, laughed, surrendered, and remembered what it feels like to be human again.
They remind me daily that safety, strength, desire, and sensitivity can all live in the same body.
And for that, I’m endlessly grateful.
So here’s to the men who make space for softness.
To the women learning to trust it again.
And to the tender, timeless dance between giving and receiving: the heart of every true Tantric encounter.
With love,
Kali 💛
