The Shame That Lives in Your Root: Reclaiming Anal Touch as a Man
Let’s talk about the shame.
The hidden clench in your body.
The hesitation to speak it out loud.
The quiet panic when a finger gets too close.
The messages you absorbed… that to enjoy this means something about who you are.
I’ve seen this shame in the strongest of men.
CEOs, fathers, tradies, therapists, athletes.
Men who’ve lived full lives… and still freeze the moment they’re invited to receive there.
The anus.
The root.
The place so many have only ever known through tension or trauma.
But I’ve also seen what happens when that shame melts.
And let me tell you: it’s breathtaking.
Where Does This Shame Come From?
For most men, anal touch was never discussed growing up.
If it was, it was usually through the lens of:
Humour or humiliation
Association with homosexuality (whether or not it applied)
Ideas of “dirtiness” or “wrongness”
Silence from lovers, or worse, disrespectful surprise during intimacy
These early messages get stored in the body.
Not just in the mind.
Which means: even if your mind is open, your body might still be bracing.
Even when your desire is real, your nervous system might not feel safe.
And that’s okay.
This is what we work with in tantric prostate massage.
Not just sensation. But safety.
Not just pleasure. But permission.
My Session With Him (A Real Story)
He told me,
“I’ve never let anyone touch me there. It feels wrong. But I’m so curious about it, too.”
So we began slow.
I placed my hands on his glutes.
I massaged warm lotion into his sacrum, thighs, and lower back.
Then I paused.
“Would you like to explore external touch today?” I asked.
He nodded.
I circled the outer rim of his anus like I was blessing it.
No pressure.
No rush.
Just intention.
And then… I saw it.
His body trembling.
His sound becoming more alive than ever before.
His jaw loosening.
His breath moving through his hips.
His eyes wide open in disbelief… watching where my fingers were,
as if trying to understand what was causing such incredible sensations.
He whispered,
“This is like nothing I have ever felt before.”
That’s when I knew… we had entered something sacred.
This is prostate work.
It’s not just about pleasure.
It’s about unlocking what was never allowed to move.
It’s about melting the places where shame has been hiding for decades.
It’s about coming home, root first.
How to Begin Releasing Shame at Home
Before any internal touch, before any massage, there must be safety.
Here are practices I would recommend to men exploring this path solo or with a partner:
The Mirror Gaze
Sit on the edge of your bed, nude. Look at your root in the mirror. Just look. With love, not critique.Root Affirmation
Place a hand at your perineum, circle your hips, and say out loud:
“There is nothing wrong with me.”
Repeat until something shifts.External Touch Practice
Using your lubricant of choice, gently massage the outside of your anus in slow, loving circles. No insertion. Just hello.Talk It Through
If you’re exploring this with a partner, name your fears and desires out loud. Shame withers in the light.
Why Releasing Shame Matters
Because shame numbs you.
It keeps you from feeling.
It blocks not just your pleasure, but your power.
I’ve seen men who couldn’t orgasm feel noticeably moved, even transformed, during external and internal anal massage.
I’ve seen men who thought their potential for pleasure had already peaked… become more relaxed, more confident, more alive.
This isn’t about flipping your orientation.
This isn’t about labels.
It’s about liberation.
The root (your anus, your perineum, your prostate) is part of your body.
It deserves love too.
And when you meet it with kindness?
Everything else opens.
What to Expect in a Session With Me
If you choose to receive prostate massage in my space, we’ll begin with conversation.
You’re always in charge.
We move at your pace.
Your boundaries are sacred.
From there:
Full body massage to soften and settle the system
Warm lotion on glutes, thighs, sacrum
External anal touch only when you’re ready
Optional internal touch always with lubricant, and your consent
Massage of the prostate if desired… slow, circular or still
Time to integrate, breathe, express, rest
You never have to climax.
You never have to speak.
You just have to feel.
With love,
Kali 💛
