Everyone Wants to Be Seen: What I Learned Touching Hundreds of Bodies
Nobody teaches us how to soften.
Most men grow up with lessons like hold it together, be strong, don’t show too much, don’t feel too much, don’t need too much.
And then they wonder why pleasure feels distant… why touch feels overwhelming… why the body struggles to open the way it secretly longs to.
But here’s what I’ve learned after touching hundreds of bodies in my Tantra Massage practice across Perth and Western Australia…
Every single person wants to be seen.
Every single person fears not being enough.
And every single body exhales the same way when it finally feels safe.
It doesn’t matter how confident, successful, charming or stoic someone looks on the outside. Underneath, the human body wants only one thing:
permission to stop holding everything for a moment.
That’s the foundation of Tantra Massage.
Not performance.
Not erotic technique.
But the deep, nervous-system-level unraveling that happens when someone is finally met with presence instead of expectation.
Let me take you inside that world for a moment.
Every body tells a story
When I touch a body, I’m never just touching skin.
I’m touching a lifetime.
The years someone spent being the caretaker.
The time they shut down emotionally because it wasn’t safe to express softness.
The heartbreak they swallowed whole because no one knew how to hold them.
The shame they learned in childhood that still curls up quietly along the edges of their belly.
The pressure to perform sexually instead of connect.
The little boy inside who never got to rest.
A body doesn’t lie.
A body always tells the truth long before the mouth does.
I can feel the armour that was built out of necessity, not choice.
I can feel the ache of wanting closeness but not knowing how to receive it.
I can feel the exhaustion of a nervous system that has lived in survival mode for too long.
And over and over again, I see the same thing:
When the body feels safe, it opens.
When the heart feels welcomed, it softens.
When there is no agenda, pleasure returns naturally, quietly, without force.
This isn’t magic.
It’s biology.
It’s trauma-informed touch.
It’s nervous system attunement.
It’s the core of what Tantra Massage is meant to be.
Why safety is the gateway to pleasure
If the body doesn’t feel safe, pleasure cannot rise.
It’s that simple.
Safety is not created by dim lighting or sensual oil or breathwork.
Safety is created through:
Slowness
Attunement
Predictability
Safe exploration and wonder
Warmth
Consent
Emotional neutrality
A complete absence of pressure
Men often tell me they come to Tantra Massage to relax, connect with their bodies, or explore pleasure.
But what they actually come for, often unknowingly, is nervous system safety.
The body cannot open while it is defending itself.
It cannot feel deeply while holding tension.
It cannot receive pleasure when it is bracing for the next task, expectation, or judgement.
In my space, nothing needs to be fixed, proven or performed.
This is why men soften.
This is why their breath changes.
This is why pleasure finds its way back in without them chasing it.
The exhale that changes everything
There’s a moment that happens in almost every session.
A man is lying on the table.
His breath is a little tight.
His shoulders are slightly raised.
He’s trying to relax, but he’s still half inside his head.
Then something shifts.
Maybe it’s the way my hands land on his back.
Maybe it’s the warmth of lotion moving slowly down his spine.
Maybe it’s simply realising that I am not asking for anything from him.
Whatever the reason, he exhales.
Not a normal breath.
A full-body surrender breath.
The kind that feels like a truth spoken without words.
And in that moment, everything changes.
His nervous system recalibrates.
His belly softens.
His jaw lets go.
His chest expands.
His sensitivity heightens.
His pleasure becomes organic instead of pressured.
It is one of the most beautiful things I witness.
Not because it is erotic, but because it is honest.
This is the moment men tell me they haven’t felt in years.
Some say decades.
A moment where they didn’t have to be strong or impressive or in control.
Just human.
What I learned from touching hundreds of bodies
Across all ages, all backgrounds, all body types, all relationship histories… the patterns are the same.
Everyone wants to be seen.
Everyone worries they’re not enough.
Everyone exhales the same way when they finally let go.
Pleasure always returns when pressure is removed.
The body never forgets softness; it just needs space to remember.
And I will tell you something tender:
Some of the strongest men I’ve ever met are the ones who allow themselves to soften in my hands.
Not physically strong.
Emotionally brave enough to let go.
Why Tantra Massage in Perth is becoming so sought after
Western Australia has a very particular masculine culture.
Strong. Hardworking. Proud.
Often disconnected from emotional nurturing.
Men here carry a lot.
Work stress.
Family pressure.
Loneliness.
Sexual shame.
Performance anxiety.
Disconnection from desire.
Difficulty receiving.
Fear of disappointing their partner.
Old heartbreaks they never processed.
This is why Tantra Massage in Perth and across the southwest is rising in popularity.
Men are craving something deeper than release.
They want presence.
They want connection.
They want safety.
They want to feel their bodies again.
They want sex and intimacy to stop feeling like a test.
And maybe most of all…
they want someone who doesn’t need them to perform.
You don’t need to know how to surrender
This one is important.
You don’t need to know how to let go.
Your body already knows the way home.
Surrender is not a skill to learn.
It is a state that emerges when the environment is right.
All you need is:
A slow pace
A safe presence
No expectation
A regulated nervous system nearby
Warm, conscious touch
Permission to follow your own pace
Your body does the rest.
Three practices you can do at home
Here are gentle practices that help shift your body from control to openness.
No woo-woo. No pressure. Just embodied truth.
1. The three-minute belly drop
Place one hand on your belly.
One hand on your chest.
Breathe until your belly gently rises under your hand.
Inhale for four.
Pause.
Exhale for six.
Repeat for three minutes.
Your nervous system will begin to unwind.
2. The honest touch practice
Place a hand on your chest or thigh.
Before touching, ask:
Body… may I touch you?
This re-teaches consent and builds internal trust.
3. The spine softening stretch
Stand or sit.
Let your spine sway gently left to right like seaweed underwater.
Slow.
Fluid.
No goal.
This movement resets your vagus nerve and helps release stored tension around the pelvis.
You deserve a place where nothing must be held
Most men don’t need more discipline.
They need a place where their guard isn’t required.
A place where softness is not a threat.
A place where pleasure isn’t earned but allowed.
If reading this makes something inside you loosen, even slightly…
that is your body speaking.
Your body is tired of being strong all the time.
Your body wants space.
Your body wants warmth.
Your body wants to be met.
You don’t have to hold everything alone.
If that pulls at you, even quietly, I would love to work with you.
With love,
Kali 💛
